Nov/090
Oldies Radio
While driving in the car with my son, I had an “oldies” radio station
on. It played a song that I remembered from the 1960’s.
Mother —– “You know, Ron, this song was on when I was in bed with a broken leg
when I was young.”
Son —– “Gee, Mom, that’s too bad,” he replied. “You couldn’t even get up to
turn it off.”
Nov/090
Native Tongue
A few years ago,
I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in
Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found
that many people spoke only their native tongue – including the
ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted
cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I simply nodded
from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had
gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward
and asked if I spoke German.
“No,” I confessed.
“Then that explains,” she said, “why you didn’t bat an eyelid when he
told you that you were on the wrong train.
Nov/090
Enough is Enough
An old lady walked into a lawyer’s office and asked for help in arranging a divorce.
“A divorce?” asked the unbelieving lawyer. “Tell me, how old are you?”
Old Lady : “I’m eighty-four”.
Lawyer : “Eighty-four! And how old is your husband?“
Old Lady : “My husband is eighty-seven.”
Lawyer : “My, my,”
“And how long have you been married?”
Old Lady : “Next September we will complete sixty-two years.”
Lawyer : “Married for sixty-two years?! Why would you want a divorce now?”
Old Lady : “Because,”
“Enough is Enough.”
Jul/090
How to silence a Parrot
A man got a parrot which could already talk. It had belonged to a sailor and had a big vocabulary. However, the man soon discovered that the parrot mostly know bad words. At first he thought it was funny, but then it became tiresome, and finally, when the man had important guests, the bird’s bad words embarrassed him very much.
As soon as the guests left, the man angrily shouted at the parrot,”That language must stop!”. But the bird answered him with curses. He shook the bird and shouted again, “Don’t use those ugly words!” Again the bird cursed him.
Now the man was really angry. He grabbed the parrot and threw him into the refrigerator. But it had no effect. From inside the refrigerator,the parrot was still swearing. He opened the door and took him out, and again the bird spoke in dirty words and curses. This time, the man opened the door of the freezer , threw the bird into it, and closed the door.
This time there was silence. After two minutes, the man opened the door and removed the very cold parrot. Slowly the shivering parrot walked up the man’s arm, sat on his shoulder and spoke into his ear, sounding very frightened:
“I’ll be good, I promise…Those chickens in there.. what did they say?”
Jul/090
Student these days…. :-)
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, “Why are you arguing?”
One boy answers, “We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”
“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher, “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.